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Are Manic Episodes Part of BPD?
Borderline Personality Disorder can exhibit manic-like behaviors, however they are different from true mania that is associated with Bipolar Disorder. When it comes to bipolar disorder, manic episodes are prolonged and usually include gaining energy, grandiosity, and a reduced need for sleep while BPD experiences are emotional highs that are often short-lived and linked to triggers and emotional dysregulation.
Triggers can look different for everyone that suffers from BPD, however there are three common triggers that can bring on emotional high and lows.
Stress can come from many different things, however stress that can cause triggers usually stems from something serious happening that may involve financial strain, pressure from work, or major life changes. Interpersonal conflicts are arguments or disagreements with people they care about that result in intense reactions and emotions. Lastly, abandonment. Individuals with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, so regardless if the rejection or abandonment is real or fake, their response will be amplified. Emotional dysregulation can make it more difficult to move on from these triggers leading to feeling extreme highs and lows.
A part of having BPD is idealization and devaluation. For someone with BPD, they might greatly admire someone one moment and then feel intense anger towards the same person the next moment. This is also known as splitting which is a significant disturbance in thinking and emotion regulation. While idealization attributes overly positive qualities of someone, devaluation is a defense mechanism that characterizes someone with negative qualities. Both to protect the person with BPD from getting hurt.
Relationships are often affected by this “black and white” thinking pattern because there is typically no in between for those that have BPD. They switch from one to another which can make it difficult to maintain relationships and stable perceptions of others.
It can be hard to go through the rollercoaster of your partner or friend’s emotions, but since you’re aware of their BPD status, it’s important to not to take devaluation personally. Remembering that it is a symptom of BPD instead of a reflection of your own worth will help your reaction when it happens. Setting healthy boundaries with your partner or friend while maintaining compassion towards them can do wonders for your relationship. It won’t fix everything, but it’s a step in the right direction instead of giving into their symptoms and treatment.
Therapy is necessary for those with BPD. When individuals with BPD take the time to get properly assessed in a professional setting, it helps them see outside themselves and gain perspective on how they might not only be treating others, but also themselves. Gaining this perspective will help break toxic cycles that may have affected their personal relationships by creating healthier patterns and emotional stability.
Self-sabotage is a behavior or thought pattern that keeps you from doing things you want to do. Self-sabotage can look differently to each individual suffering from BPD. Some instances of self-sabotage connect to the person’s intense fear of rejection or abandonment, they could push someone away so they avoid getting hurt while other self-sabotage behaviors are also often connected to impulsive behaviors. People with BPD may make rash decisions that harm their long-term goals like quitting their job or spending a lot of money without thinking about the future consequences. Having low self-esteem can contribute to making bad decisions.
To overcome self-sabotage, it takes a lot of self work. Seeking therapy and building a support system are two key components in overcoming self-sabotage. Therapy will help individuals change their thought pattern and become more self-aware to be able to identify triggers and understand why they self-sabotage in general. Building a support system that includes trusted friends and family is important for accountability and to have people to turn to when it gets hard or when one feels like making a choice that would be considered self-sabotage.
Silent treatment is when someone refuses to communicate with another person. It can range from sulking to passive-aggressive forms of emotional abuse. Silent treatment when it comes to BPD is usually caused by the person being overwhelmed emotionally or to protect themselves as a defense mechanism. They do this to feel in control of the situation or gain control of their emotions that may have spiraled during an argument or disagreement especially if they are fearing being abandoned. They would rather go silent than to confront the issue before they’re ready. The difference for those with BPD is that they are typically doing this as a form of self-protection, unlike others who don’t have BPD are usually participating in punitive behavior. How can you know the difference? Punitive behavior is behavior in which people are exerting their power over the other person to make them feel bad, judged, shamed, or humiliate them… the intent is to make that person suffer whereas self-protection is exerting the power over others to protect themselves from themselves or others trying to harm or hurt them.
It can be extremely difficult to address silent treatment when you’re on the receiving end of it, however knowing a person you are close to or a loved one is giving you the silent treatment due to their BPD, most likely means they aren’t doing it maliciously. Approaching the individual with kindness, patience, and empathy will help them feel comfortable speaking about what caused them to go silent to begin with. Encouraging open communication and creating a safe space for them is important so everyone involved can move forward in a positive way.
A BPD meltdown happens when someone’s emotional dysregulation becomes overwhelming leading to intense outbursts. A meltdown can be caused by any number of reasons that bring on certain emotions, such as sudden anger, panic, or sadness. Since it’s hard for the person to regulate their emotions, they most likely are thinking in “black and white”, instead of thinking about the inbetween. We mentioned this before as idealization and devaluation. The common signs and triggers of a BPD meltdown include, but are not limited to, a sudden and intense fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, fear of rejection, unexpected stress, arguments, or loss of any kind (financial, personal).
Practicing and learning techniques such as mindfulness and how to stay grounded are important to manage and prevent meltdowns for those with BPD. Mindfulness can help regulate emotions and reduce impulsive behaviors that may lead to meltdowns. Grounding techniques help people with BPD feel and stay present in moments where they would normally let their emotions win them over. Grounding can look like taking deep breaths, exercise as a positive activity to do when they feel like they are getting emotional, and talking to a trusted friend to bring them back down. There are several other grounding techniques that focus on leaning into their other senses such as listening to music, holding an ice cube, and even using certain smells like aromatherapy to calm them. It’s important to remember to look outside oneself when they feel a potential meltdown coming on. Going to therapy will only supply more tools and coping mechanisms. The most common therapy practice for those with BPD is DBT, which is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. This therapy focuses on how to change problematic behaviors and learn how to be accepting of their emotions instead of reactive. Creating a support system or environment like close friends or attending group therapy will have the individual feel less alone and also provide them with people to turn to when it does get rough.
Hypersexuality is a common symptom for those that have BPD so what is hypersexuality and how does it differ for those with BPD? Hypersexuality is a medical condition that involves excessive sexual arousal and inability to control sexual impulses. It might include unwanted sexual thoughts, strong emotions like shame, and participating in sexual behaviors that are higher risk such as unprotected sex or many sexual partners. Since a core symptom of BPD is impulsiveness, this can lead to reckless behavior which can in turn, lead to emotional highs and lows depending on how their choices turn out. Those with BPD are typically seeking validation and may look for that in a sexual way as well as looking for connections that make the person with BPD feel good for a short period of time. Because those with BPD seek validation and connection, sometimes they make rash decisions that end up working against them and it becomes hard to regulate those emotions when they might have been participating in sexual behaviors to help with anxiety or a bad mood.
Hypersexuality can be managed. Firstly, realizing you may have a problem is key to self-awareness and learning what triggers you to act out will help your ability to replace acting out in that way. If you can identify those triggers, such as extreme mood swings or wanting to self-harm that lead you to sexual activities, you can find other solutions that may not be as harmful such as exercising or calling a friend. Seeking professional help can help you learn about yourself and how to cope with the triggers that lead you to impulsive sexual behavior. CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as well as DBT can help you change your thinking so you can function more normally.
As we’ve mentioned throughout this article, there are therapies one can start to help with their behaviors that stem from BPD. DBT and CBT are the two most common therapies. CBT focuses on the person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that influence one another and help individuals recognize when their thoughts are becoming troubling and gives them techniques to redirect. DBT focuses on developing healthy coping skills to replace unhealthy behaviors. DBT also helps people learn how to accept themselves, feel safe, and how to regulate their emotions overall. A few healthy ways to manage your relationship and emotions is to focus on setting boundaries with those that often bring up negative emotions, practicing self-care, learn how to communicate openly and in a way that is non-judgemental to oneself and to others, as well as continuing therapy and practicing patience and consistency.
It can be difficult to support someone with BPD, especially if you aren’t familiar with the disorder and the toll it can have on the person who has the disorder. It’s important to go into the unknown with an open mind and remember that you’re there to help, not hurt them further. By being able to actively listen, validate their emotions (even if you don’t completely understand them!), being patient, and encouraging them to seek professional help, you create a safe space for the person who has BPD. Educating yourself on BPD will help you learn how to communicate with the person you’re trying to support. Celebrating progress and growth is extremely helpful so those with BPD can understand that they have made progress even if they don’t feel like they have. Seeking help alone is a huge first step and should be celebrated as you both continue to learn about BPD and how best to move forward in a positive light.
Having Borderline Personality Disorder makes it difficult to foster a sense of self, with the extreme highs and lows that one experiences. It can be hard to seek help when they might have only known the chaos of their own emotions for a long period of time. While it can be a hardship to have BPD, these individuals prove to be resilient when they have sought out professional help or have turned to a trusted loved one who might inspire them to get help too. Learning about themselves and their disorder to gain the right tools will help embrace self-growth and build self-awareness that helps avoid being as easily triggered. Having a support system will help foster meaningful relationships with not only others but with themselves which will ultimately help people with BPD to feel more personally stable.
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